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Recently, I discovered that my husband has been using adult chat rooms online and seems to have been communicating in sexually explicit ways with other people. When I challenged him, he was embarrassed and then defensive saying it was just harmless flirting and that he had not gone over any line.
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I still feel really unhappy about what he has done. I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him. A With people spending more and more time online, accessing pornography and adult websites can be a big problem in modern marriages.
Relationship counselling agencies report that a growing of couples are now seeking help due to infidelity online or to one partner accessing adult websites. How much of a problem it is, depends on the degree and type of access and what it means in the context of the marriage.
There is a big difference between a person occasionally viewing pornography with the knowledge and even involvement of their partner to a full-blown betrayal and using adult websites to start affairs with other people. Like many problems, it can start innocently at first, with a person visiting sexually titillating sites perhaps out of boredom or a seeking escapism but then it can escalate to other behaviours, such as directly communicating with other people online and over time can become addictive and harmful.
You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings. To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.
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A second issue for a marriage is that one partner turns to the internet for flirting and sexual excitement rather than to their partner. When this happens frequently, it can lead to a reduction in their sex-life together, a growing sense of disconnection and an erosion of the marital bond.
Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage. Though it may be painful, the fact that you have started talking about issues is a good. To continue with this process you may wish to seek marriage counselling relationshipsireland. There is a good chance of success for the two of you, if your husband accepts responsibility for what he has done and if the two of you are willing to work hard on improving your marriage.
You can also take action at home to improve your marriage on a daily basis. For example you can prioritise a daily talking time with your husband when you share how each of you are doing. This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free with the computer and TV turned off. In addition, try to have at least one special evening a week when you get a baby-sitter when you can do some new things together.
Simple commitments can make a big difference.
My husband is using adult chat rooms online
The biggest prize of a successful marriage is closeness and intimacy — which allow a couple to accept and support one another on a deep level. Such intimacy is built on communication and friendship and le to deep affection and a satisfying sex life. However, creating this intimacy is hard work and much harder than the easy escapism of the internet or watching TV or even over-working or domestic chores.
Real intimacy is created in everyday communication, in the nitty-gritty of sharing a life together and in the hard work of resolving conflicts and accepting the other person as different to you. Please update your payment details to keep enjoying your Irish Times subscription. My husband is using adult chat rooms online Tue, Jan 22, John Sharry.
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