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  • I am 22
  • Sexual orientation:
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  • What is my gender:
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2. personal experiences and attitudes of daters

First came coeducational colleges, then dorms, then bathrooms. Now, on a few campuses, there are coeducational rooms.

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They say it is really no big deal. True, they change in the large walk-in closet. But otherwise, it is much like rooming with a friend of the same sex.

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Some may leap to prurient conclusions about a policy allowing a young man and woman to share a dormitory room. But perhaps surprisingly, the policy here is less about sex than about sexual politics -- and the increasingly powerful presence of gay and lesbian groups on campus.

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At Swarthmore, where coeducational rooming began in a few housing units last fall, and nearby Haverford College, where it started the year, the push came not from dating couples wanting to live together, but from gay groups that said it was ''heterosexist'' to require roommates to be of the same sex. Students say the new policy here is being used mostly by heterosexual students like Ms. Caughey and Mr. Lervisit, who are not romantic partners.

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But the reason for the policy is to accommodate gay students who are uncomfortable about sharing living space with a roommate of the same sex, because of either homophobia or sexual tension. When I looked for housing, all the people it made sense for me to live with were women.

Still, sexual orientation is a complicated, and growing, issue for college housing offices.

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While gay students at some schools have pushed for coeducational rooming, those on other campuses have moved in the opposite direction, seeking to segregate in housing of their own. This year, for the first time, the University of Hartford offered separate housing for 10 students involved in Spectrum, its group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students and their allies.

At the University of Massachusetts, 34 students -- mostly gay, lesbian and bisexual, but a few heterosexual or transgender -- live on what is known as the ''Two in Twenty'' floor. Wesleyan University has Open House, which it calls a residence for the ''queer, questioning, and those interested in queer culture. Coeducational arrangements have been available for years at some other famously liberal colleges, like Antioch College in Yellow Springs, Ohio, where the director of residential life says they are mostly used by sexual partners.

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Whatever the new housing options, they are generally not available to freshmen, who are ased their roommates by their colleges. Some schools have denied gay groups' requests for coeducational housing. At Tufts University, which already had Rainbow House, a residence for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students and their friends, the campus gay group two years ago worked with the dean of students to de a coeducational rooming experiment open to any students who promised that they were not romantically involved with their roommates.

But John DiBiaggio, then president of the university, rejected the plan, citing concerns about encouraging sexual activity -- or accepting the idea that homosexual students could not comfortably live with heterosexual roommates of the same sex. At Swarthmore, the announcement of the coeducational rooming option last year was uncontroversial. It prompted none of the furor that surrounded the college's decision two years ago to drop its football team. Swarthmore's experiment began small, offered in just a few four- to six-person units.

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For next year, three two-person rooms were offered as well -- but no coeducational pairs ed up for those rooms. The demand for larger units like the five-person lodge where Ms. Lervisit live, though, is so strong that requests from many students, gay and straight, were denied. The college has no formal policy against students in relationships ing up to live together.

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But Ms. Westphal said the fact that no couples ed up for the double rooms underscored Swarthmore's ''cultural expectation'' that those in romantic partnerships should not live together. Students, too, say there is an informal taboo against intimate relationships with roommates -- and that even romance with someone on the same dorm hall raises eyebrows. Caughey, a sophomore.

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It's too risky. She and others with opposite-sex roommates said their parents accepted the arrangement easily -- although one freshman said she had not yet told her parents that she will room with a man next year.

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Lervisit and Ms. Caughey said their arrangement had spawned neither criticism nor problems. The only big surprise about rooming with a woman, Mr. Lervisit said, was how much hair clogs the shower drain.

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Coeducational rooming can meet many needs. Some heterosexual students say it lets them live with their closest friends, regardless of gender. Some gay students express similar feelings, while others emphasize their happiness at avoiding a straight same-sex roommate.

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And I would never want to live with a guy I was dating. View on timesmachine. TimesMachine is an exclusive benefit for home delivery and digital subscribers.

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